Nothing To Love
by OncerinLoVe
Summary: "I love you." "Don't" Robin begins to fall in love with Regina during the missing year, but Regina is too emotionally damaged to realize it.
1. Chapter 1

This has been bouncing around my head since NYCS, but it came back with a vengance this week. And this bit of twistedness was born and posted so it can leave me alone. I blame my obsession with "Give You What You Like" by Avril Lavigne.

Takes place after the events of "The Tower" and assumes Regina and Robin have already been sleeping together.

* * *

"I love you."

His breath was hot against her ear. His lips had just trailed their way up her neck, and it took her a moment to break from the sensations and realize what he had just said.

"Don't," she replied, pushing him away.

"Don't what?" He questioned back, so earnestly and sincerely that she was tempted to take away his voice.

"Bother. My legs are open, I'm wet and willing. Lying to me is just unbecoming."

Slight surprise at her bitterness crossed his face and he took her hands in his own. The gesture was far too intimate. It made her stomach churn.

"I'm not lying. I love you Regina."

She snatched her hands away in disgust.

"Well don't."

He raised his eyebrow in question, so she clarified.

"Don't love me. There isn't anything to love."

The hard, disgusted look in her eyes completely disturbed Robin. He couldn't believe the words falling from the lips of the woman he so desperately loved.

He cautiously returned to his position on top of her. Since she laid back down and said nothing else, he took it as an invitation to speak again.

"That is completely untrue."

He attempted to meet her eyes, but she was avoiding his gaze. After giving up that futile effort, his lips began to roam her body, whispering between soft kisses.

"I love you."

His words were like flames searing her flesh in every spot he uttered them. That he, the man with the lion tattoo, who once could have been her true love, was making such proclamations only added to the pain. Time and time again she learned the lesson that she was not a woman to be loved. That the sight of the thief made her heart beat faster (for reasons wholly unrelated to their carnal activities), did not change the fact that villains did not get happy endings.

The words were too much to bear. She felt as though he had a grip on her heart, and with every syllable he was getting dangerously closer to crushing it.

"Just stop talking and fuck me."

Her harsh tone persuaded Robin to give up.

"Oh and Robin," she added softly, almost sounding genuinely sweet.

He was careful not to get his hopes up, and was rewarded for his caution by the rapid change in her eyes. There was something maniacal about her gaze.

"Make it hurt."

* * *

Not what I would call my best work, but I would still appreciate anyone who drops a review, regardless of how critical it is. :)


	2. Chapter 2

So I had absolutely no idea where I could possibly go with this. Then we got OQ Enchanted Forest scenes and I was inspired. Like I actually have ideas if anyone is willing to read (not normal for me). So before I ramble on too long as I tend to do, I'll just preface this by apologizing for my lack of ability to write anything remotely sexual that isn't super awkward.

* * *

Robin hated living in the queen's castle. If he didn't know that it was the safest place for Roland, he never would've stayed this long. Being inside all night, unable to see the stars and breathe in the fresh air, was torture for a man who called the woods his home. In fact the confinement seemed to produce some form of insomnia. So at night he roamed the dark corridors until his body could not psychically resist sleep. It was already well past midnight and normally he was the only one not on guard duty to be awake. Yet he heard footsteps behind him and instinctually went to grab for an arrow he knew wasn't there.

"I was hoping it would be you wandering around."

Dropping his arm, he turned around and thanks to the darkness could barely make out a smirking Regina. She was dressed much less elaborately (although no more conservatively) than he had ever seen her. She had been intriguing to him since she had saved Roland, and seeing her with less of her trappings only added to his interest.

"You looking for me your majesty? I'm flattered," he replied teasingly.

He had been living in the castle for a few months now, and depending on the hour his relationship with Regina ranged from civil conversation (she was apparently quite fond of her apple tree) to sarcastic barbs (mostly sparring for sport) to open hostility (his crimes against the kingdom were most certainly not forgotten). Given the lack of fire being flung at him, he assumed she wasn't here to reproach him for leaving his little corner of the castle.

"Maybe I was."

She stepped forward, and he faltered for a moment. He could have sworn her voice sounded… flirtatious. He thought it couldn't possibly be. As a man of the forest, he knew a hunter stalking its prey when he saw it. When he looked into her eyes, he couldn't tell if they were shinning with lust or bloodlust. Regardless of her intent, he couldn't help but be attracted. Given her track record, he assumed that he was more likely to get his neck snapped. And if he should be preparing to escape her, his blood was flowing in the absolute wrong direction. Still he pressed on.

"And why would that be?"

He matched her steps forward. He hadn't invaded her personal space, but was standing right at the barrier. He had made his move, and he raised his eyebrow in challenge. He still wasn't quite sure she wasn't here to harm him, but even if she wasn't, he still thought she might back down.

Regina did no such thing. Completely eliminating the space between them, Regina breathed her words onto his lips.

"I would think even a common thief could figure it out."

There had been a palpable attraction between them since they had met. Robin was brazen in many ways, but acting on an attraction to the Evil Queen seemed a sure way to lose his head if the advances were unwelcomed. So when he kissed her and tangled his hands in her hair, it was with the force of months spent able to look but not touch.

She clearly shared his enthusiasm. With strength he had not given her credit for, she pushed him back against the stone wall. It didn't take her long to reach for his pants, or her to drop to her knees in front of him.

He couldn't help but feel smug. Not only was a queen kneeling before him (not something many a common thief could claim to experience), but it was the same queen who had made him a wanted man in the Enchanted Forest. And now she was talking about wanting him in a different way entirely. But then her lips were around him and all proud thoughts vanished from his mind. Words were coming out of his mouth, but they were an incoherent mess. He was at her mercy. And when she looked up at him, he saw how much she relished that. It was tantalizing. In no time at all she had pushed him over the edge. She swallowed with a smirk.

Standing up, she wiped the dusk from the bottom quarter of her dress. After smoothing her hair, she turned to walk away.

"Wait," he grabbed her arm and raised an eyebrow, "a gentleman should return the favor."

"I don't recall asking you to be a gentleman."

"It's impossible to turn off I'm afraid," he replied cheekily, "And I assure you, you'll find it most enjoyable."

Her lips curved into a smirk. She enjoyed bantering with him.

"Bit arrogant aren't we thief?"

"What you call arrogance your majesty, I call confidence in my skills."

His eyes were boring into her and his seductive voice sent a shiver down her spine.

"I guess we'll just have to see then," she challenged, relishing the grin on Robin's face.

Judging by the amount of times he had to tell her to keep quiet for fear of catching the guards' attention or waking the castle, he supposed he won this round. Although some of the inhuman sounds she drew out of him once he was inside her might have left them equal. He couldn't say that he very much cared. Either way, he did not get much sleep that night.

* * *

If you have stuck around this long, thank you for reading.


	3. Chapter 3

Not sure about this one. It's kind of long and a little too happy for my taste. Nevertheless, I hope you enjoy it.

* * *

"Regina, what are you doing here?"

He was smiling, happy to see her.

"This is my stable. I don't think I'm the one who should be explaining my presence."

She sounded mildly irritated, but nothing he couldn't crack.

"Roland is with Little John and I'm quite tired of being cooped up inside. The prince suggested I go riding. If you don't mind lending out one of your horses of course."

Regina seemed to be weighing her options.

"Not a problem. But not this one."

She motioned to a particular horse.

"Going riding as well m'lady?"

"Like you I was sick of staying inside. Too much time in the castle can be insufferable."

She started preparing the horse while Robin looked on impressed.

"I didn't realize a queen would be so familiar with horses."

A sad smile spread over her face. He assumed she was remembering something, and wanted to know what it was.

"Well I wasn't always a queen. Once upon a time," she paused to mount the horse, "I was quite enamored with a stable boy."

A lightness filled her eyes. It made her look even more beautiful, and Robin smiled reflexively. She kicked her heels lightly on the horse and it began to move.

"Do you know how to shoot an arrow?"

She pulled the reins and turned enough to see him. She looked confused.

"Can't say that I do."

Robin mounted his own horse.

"If we're both leaving, we might as well go together. Safety in numbers and such. I'll teach you to shoot."

"You… you want me to go with you?"

She was completely perplexed. Almost everyone in the kingdom made it a point to spend as much time away from her as possible. Of course Robin was an exception, given their dalliances. But wanting to have sex with her and wanting to spend time with her were two very different matters.

"I assure you I am not asking out of obligation. If you'd rather venture out alone, I understand."

"Very well. Let's go."

…

They were riding leisurely, side by side, enjoying a comfortable silence. He was impressed by Regina's subtle harmony with the animal. She was clearly a skilled rider.

"The stable boy you referred to before, what happened to him?"

It was not lost to him that she had posed a similar question to him about Marian a few months earlier.

"You can't marry the king if you've run off with the stable boy. So my mother made sure I didn't have the choice."

"I'm so sorry Regina. I never realized-"

"That I wasn't a power-hungry bitch eager to trade myself for a crown," she snapped, speeding up in front of Robin's horse.

He moved the reins and barely caught up to her. She was still attempting to evade him.

"I was going to say that I had no idea you had such loss and pain in your past. You know I understand. Not everything is an attack Regina."

She slowed the horse down, done with trying to outrun him for now.

"What do you care?"

He couldn't tell if she was annoyed or suspicious.

"Well I didn't particularly care to spend the entire day in silence. I know every inch of your body, yet I don't know _you_ at all. Are you really so opposed to the idea that I might want to?"

They fell back into silence for a few moments.

"I suppose not."

She still sounded skeptical.

"I'm finished with the probing questions, I promise."

There were a few beats of quietness, but Robin was undeterred.

"It is quite impressive to see a queen who really knows how to ride. A horse I mean."

Regina rolled her eyes, but flashed a brief smile.

"You should have seen me when I was younger. I'm out of practice now."

"Do they not have horses in this new land you went to? How did you travel?"

Robin was completely perplexed. Regina stifled a laugh. She could only imagine Robin's reaction to a car.

"They did. Henry always wanted to learn," she smiled at the thought of her son, but it was a bittersweet remembrance, "but we never had the time."

Robin noticed the change instantly at the mention of her son. The burdens seemed to lift off of her and she softened. Despite the tears in her eyes, they were shinning with love.

"Do you want to talk about him?"

"Yes," she answered softly.

She didn't even have to think. In the first two months of their return, she and Snow had been grieved the loss of their children. But with Charming and the pregnancy in her life, Snow had been able to move on. She hadn't spent ten years raising her daughter. It was easier for her to keep going. Which meant Regina hadn't talked about Henry in three months. She wanted to, but had no one to talk to. Yet here was an offer to remember her son. So she took it.

Once she began talking about Henry, she felt more relaxed than she had in a long time. The conversation flowed easily from there, and as she and Robin traded stories about their sons, she felt her sadness melt away.

At one point Robin's tale of his misadventures with a two year old Roland caused Regina to laugh so loudly that she spooked the horse. This sent both into a fit of giggles that left them breathless.

In retrospect, that was the moment he first fell for her. He saw the genuine, wide smile on her face and thought it was the most wondrous thing he had seen in years. He knew that he would do anything to keep it there.

…

Following a substantial ride, they finally reached the clearing Robin had been searching for. After tying the horses to a tree, Robin picked up the bow he had brought with him.

"Ready to learn from the best archer in all of Sherwood Forest your majesty?"

She rolled her eyes at his cockiness. Robin handed her the bow and stood behind her and began to move her limbs into proper position.

"You really want to teach the Evil Queen how to use a deadly weapon?" she asked playfully.

"Your bark is worse than your bite Regina."

"How would you know?"

There was just a hint of darkness in her voice.

"Well I've been on the receiving end of both, quite literally. Found the bite rather pleasant honestly."

She turned her head and shot him a flirtatious smile. Their faces were close enough to kiss, but Robin stepped back to retrieve an arrow from his quiver.

He returned to his position behind her.

"You're trying to hit that tree," he said into her ear.

He helped her pull the string back to her right cheek. She let go without letting him help her aim, and the arrow landed nowhere near the tree. He sighed. She was most definitely not a natural. Nevertheless he retrieved the arrow.

"Let's try this again. Don't just let go without thinking this time. Aim."

He once again returned to his place behind her. Having his body pressed to hers left Regina very little focus for aim.

"Maybe I'm a little distracted," she replied, grinding back against him.

"If you're distracted you'll miss."

"Maybe my aim isn't to hit the target."

He thought of giving up the lesson, but got an idea instead.

"How about if I add an incentive?"

"What would you suggest?"

At this point she really couldn't think about much of anything other than his skilled archer's hands working her body.

"If you hit the target, then I'll fuck you against that tree and have you screaming my name for the entire forest to hear."

She wasn't expecting his words or the change in his tone, and his seductive whisper in her ear was only making her want him more. Even though she couldn't see him, she could imagine the devilish grin on his face.

"And if I don't."

"You can get yourself off your majesty."

He then stepped back and left her alone to make her attempt. She mustered all her concentration and let the arrow fly from the bow. It was by no means a good shot, just barely hitting the tree. But she had done it and faced Robin smugly.

She didn't have long to be smug before he had her against the nearest tree, making her scream his name as promised.

* * *

Reviews are always appreciated, even if they're telling me how crappy my writing is :)


	4. Chapter 4

I figure I should probably clarify my timeline since I'm jumping all over the place:

The Tower (month 3 of the missing year) - chapter 2 (month 4) - this chapter (the next day) - chapter 3 (month 5) - chapter 1 (month 8)

It'a 1:30 am for me, so I am posting now before I lose my nerve or decide to rewrite again.

* * *

The next morning they were all sitting at the meeting table discussing the progress of the precautions they were taking against Zelena. Regina was too distracted to really concentrate, especially when she kept inadvertently making eye contact with Robin.

The decision to find him the previous night wasn't something Regina had thought out. She had spent hours in bed too sexually frustrated and lonely to sleep. Her fingers weren't doing enough for her, and she decided to seek out the man at the cause of her distress. She supposed the decision wasn't as unplanned as she initially thought. After all, she knew exactly where to find him. He may not have noticed, but she had been taking note over the past few months.

Of course none of that was the whole truth either. Yes she was attracted to him, but it wasn't as though Regina couldn't deal with that (even if she hadn't quite appreciated just how much she would miss technology in that respect).

The truth was that she was incredibly lonely. It was no secret to her that most of the residents of the castle despised her. Ironically Snow was one of the few people who cared about her. But Snow was wrapped up in her pregnancy and her husband, leaving her little time to notice Regina's isolation. The closest person she had to a friend (despite the fact that referring to him as such seemed wrong, the English language didn't exactly have a word for their relationship) was being held captive by her sister. And of course her son was in another world that she had no hope of ever returning to. In short, she was mostly tolerated but barely acknowledged.

Except by Robin. He was the only person in the castle who made an effort to speak to her. He didn't treat her like the Evil Queen. Despite the amount of times she had insulted him (she couldn't help but push after he had seen her nearly put herself under a sleeping curse after all), he continued to treat her with respect. Yes, most of their exchanges were a battle of barbs, but he was never deterred when she wanted to have an actual conversation.

She sought him out because she wanted him, but also because being alone was eating at her. When she kissed him, it was the first human contact she'd had in months. She hadn't felt wanted in so long, and being desired felt nice. The problem with giving into the craving was that it didn't subside for long. And now she was stuck trying not to think about all the things she wanted to do to him every time their eyes met.

...

It felt like eons, but the meeting finally ended. In that time inadvertent glances had turned into deliberately flirtatious looks. She and Robin convened in a corner while the rest of the people began to disperse. Still they kept their voices low.

"Good morning Regina."

"I'm still the queen no matter what transpired last night," she whispered snappishly.

"My mistake your majesty. I assumed that once my head has been between a woman's legs that she and I had progressed past formalities," he answered in an equally hushed and cheeky tone.

She smirked, glad they weren't going to beat around the bush.

"I suppose I see your point."

"You can call me whatever you like _Regina_," he replied with a wink.

He seemed to relish saying her name. And she relished the way he said it. Still she rolled her eyes.

"Have any plans tonight _thief_?" she replied, putting special emphasis on the word to spite him.

"Can't say I do."

"Well then you know where my bedchambers are."

She started to walk away, but turned her head back to deliver a final warning.

"**Don't **be indiscreet."

"I wouldn't dream of it."

She turned back smiling, thinking about the last time he said those words to her. Back then she hadn't wanted him to get in her way. Now was an entirely different story.

…

When he showed up to her room, there was no time for small talk. Her lips were immediately on his, and she wasted no time backing him onto the bed. They were desperate for each other, making haste to remove each other's clothing. Neither of them were in the mood for patience. She muttered that she wanted him inside her, and he raised no objection, groaning in response.

After a few minutes Robin flipped them over so Regina was below him. His hands began to wander her body and he brought his lips to her collarbone and before moving them upwards. She got lost in the sensation of his lips and teeth on her neck. She closed her eyes and let her head roll to the side.

When she opened them, however, she was paralyzed with fear. She was face to face with the same lion tattoo she had seen all those years ago. Too many thoughts were racing through her brain, and the entire world seemed to freeze. She could vaguely hear an echo of Robin's concerned voice asking if she was alright.

She would be lying if she claimed to never have thought what her life could have been like if she hadn't run away that night. Of course she had no regrets because of Henry, but she always wondered if there was ever a choice she could have made that would have kept her from being consumed by the darkness. She had never really thought about who the man was and she certainly never thought they would cross paths.

She could run. She wouldn't get very far, but she could push him away and say it had been a mistake. The castle was large. There was no reason she couldn't avoid him.

But did she need to bother? Yes he was the man who may have once been her soul mate, but right now he was the man who was making her eyes roll back in her head. Why give that up over an irritable pixie?

At once everything came back into focus, and she bucked up her hips to stop his inquiry into her well-being. She had nothing to worry about. After all who would ever love the Evil Queen?


	5. Chapter 5

Between the emotional devastation that the finale on Sunday will cause, and the fact that my finals start next week, I'll probably be off the internet for a while. So I figured that I'd post one last thing first. Now for reasons unbeknownst to me, all I've wanted to write this weekend was messed-up Golden Queen relating to the myth of Persephone (Trust me, I have no idea how my mind works). So since I was on a classical kick, I decided to read some Catullus poety to focus myself. And I came across one line that helped (see below). This was about as light of a headspace as I could get myself in.

* * *

_quod amantem iniuria talis cogit amare magis, sed bene velle minus_

_Translation: The pain of such love makes a lover love more, but like less. - Catullus (72)_

* * *

(Approx. 10 months into the missing year)

"What do you want?" she snapped, her hair and dress swooping as she turned around.

"I need to speak with you."

He did his best to keep an even tone while she looked at him like she might use her magic to throw him against the wall and crack his skull.

"Where were you last night?"

He knew she had been expecting him the previous night. But he had come to a realization the night before and decided not to go to her. She was clearly angry. Her eyes were filled with fire. It was quite distractingly attractive, but he reminded himself not lose his nerve.

"Whatever is between us has to end."

She looked surprised for a moment, but understanding dawned on her and the annoyance returned. She rolled her eyes and let out an annyed sigh. She had assumed that his affections had been proven to be misplaced.

"This again? I thought we'd dealt with this."

"It has become abundantly clear that you will never feel for me as I do for you. So I think it's best if we stop."

He was only giving her the bare minimum. He didn't want her to know how painful it had become to be with her knowing how she felt (or more appropriately didn't feel) about him. The agony of being cast out from her bed every night. He still loved her, or at least the woman she hid under the veneer of the Evil Queen, but it became tainted. It killed him to watch her drowning in self-hatred and darkness. He wanted her more than anything, but the temporary bliss was not worth the heartache.

"Excuse me? Are you sure you want to do this?"

Regina didn't hear reason. All she saw was rejection. And she did not respond to rejection well. She had been offering up her body with no strings attached. what so many had wanted before him. A man had made her queen to have her. After so many years of hearing that love was weakness, she couldn't understand why Robin wanted anything more from her.

"I believe I was quite clear."

His calmness only infuriated her more. But she was controlled, and attempted to cover up her emotions. She attempted a disaffected tone.

"Very well. You're replaceable anyway."

She was infuriating. In that moment he had no idea why he possibly loved her. However, he wanted to get in the last jab.

"I doubt that. But best of luck in your attempt. I'm sure you'll find another plaything soon enough"

He smiled, and the smugness in his grin and the cordiality in his voice made her seethe. How could he be so calm and composed? How could he act like he was ridding himself of a nuisance? She had one weapon left in her arsenal, and she fired it as soon as he began to turn away.

"Did you really think I could ever care for _you_? I'm a queen. Do you honestly think I would stoop that low?"

Her tone was biting and her expression haughty. Her true self was completely obscured by her Evil Queen persona. He visibly shuddered. It was one thing to tell him his feelings for her were unreciprocated. It was quite another to mock them.

The moment the words flew out of her mouth, she knew she had gone too far. It was the attitude that Cora had always wanted from Regina. She would have been so proud. Her stomach churned at the thought. She thought of Daniel and how disgusted he would have been to see her act like this. She could see that same distaste on Robin's face and felt a smile spread over her lips as the self-loathing enveloped her.

She had become so good at pushing people away that she didn't even have to try anymore. And now she had hurt him before he had the chance to hurt her. She knew he would look at her with this bewildered loathing eventually. She was just speeding up the process. He didn't have to know that she didn't believe what she had just said. In truth she was the one who felt unworthy of his love.

"You're right Regina-I'm sorry," he put his hands up, "_your majesty_. You and I are on completely different levels."

He spat the words out as though they were poison. She sneered, and he left wondering if the woman he'd fallen for was an illusion created by his own mind.

The second Regina was sure he was gone she let the tears fall down her face. It was like a dam bursting. She seemed to lose all strength, collapsing on her bed from the weight of her anger. It wasn't just that she had probably permanently alienated her supposed soul mate; she felt like she had nothing and was nothing. No matter what she could never escape herself. And if she couldn't bear that, how could anyone else?


	6. Chapter 6

So I was rotally set on concentrating on finals and not writing. But apparently I'm too stressed to sleep, and the only way I could relax enough was to write. So not only is this written, but I also wrote three more chapters and something that will never see the light of day but is nevertheless written. So I guess I lied about taking any breaks. Oops.

* * *

"The queen's done with you for today then?" Little John commented sullenly.

"I have no idea what you're talking about," Robin replied in what he hoped was a blasé way.

Neither he nor Regina was particularly fond of become the subject of rumors. They had tried to be as prudent as possible, but it seemed that they hadn't succeeded. And while Regina did not have a good relationship with any of the Merry Men, her relationship with Little John was completely vitriolic.

"Please Robin, you reek of her."

His voice had shifted to a mix of disgust and disbelief.

"And what of it?"

He was attempting to maintain his disaffected tone and avoid confirming or denying anything.

Little John seemed to be weighing his answer, deciding if he should say anything.

"She's the Evil Queen Robin. The woman who sent black knights to kill us more than once. But she twirls her hair and spreads her legs and all the sudden you've forgotten who she is and what she's done?"

The Merry Men were all attempting to look as though they weren't eavesdropping, but they clearly all had suspicions about Robin's relationship with the queen.

"Careful Little John," Robin admonished whilst attempting to fight off surprisingly intense rage, "I wouldn't speak of her like that if I were you."

First shock spread over Little John's features, and then understanding.

"You're in love with this woman?"

He didn't sound angry, just disappointed. Meanwhile Robin was taken aback: of course he wasn't in love with her… was he?

"We've put our lives on the line for years in pursuit of our cause. The queen is a part of the injustice we're trying to fight. Doesn't that matter?"

He was asking as both a loyal adherent to their principles and a concerned friend.

"She's changed. She's a different person now."

"I'll take your word for it."

"Next time you have a problem with me," he turned to the rest of his men, "and this goes for all of you, you _will_ tell me. Not through passive-aggressive comments and you will certainly not juvenilely gossip about it. Am I clear?"

The men all nodded, and avoided looking directly at him. They knew they'd touched a nerve. He left, not particularly wanting to spend time with any of them at the moment. He didn't know what about Regina made him so protective, but his blood was boiling on her behalf. That didn't mean he loved her. Yet couldn't get the idea out of his head.

…

"Hey Regina."

Snow sat down next to Regina. Regina had been in the courtyard lost in thought. She wasn't particularly pleased to be interrupted, but she secretly enjoyed Snow's insistence on checking up on her every so often.

"Snow," she replied with a nod, "how's the baby?"

Since Zelena's threat, Regina had become quite concerned with Snow's pregnancy. She tried not to show it, but she felt an obligation to protect this baby after her actions cost Snow the chance to raise her first child. Because she now knew how it felt to lose a child.

"It's fine. Doc says everything seems normal."

"Good."

Regina refrained from making a comment about the dwarf's lack of qualifications.

"And how are you?"

"Fine."

"Oh just fine?" Snow asked with a smirk and raised eyebrows. She was using that knowing tone that annoyed Regina to no end.

"What are you talking about Snow?"

She had no clue what Snow could be smug about, but she was sure she wouldn't like it.

"I was taking a walk around the castle last night and I saw you and Robin kissing."

Regina tried to keep herself from cringing at how happy Snow looked and sounded.

She had told him it was a bad idea to be out in the open, but his lips distracted her. They never thought to check if anyone was around.

She supposed she should be happy that Snow had seen them so early on. The alternative might have driven Regina to make herself another sleeping curse.

"I'm so glad you've decided to open your heart to-"

"I haven't _opened my heart_ to anything," she snapped, "It's not like that."

Snow still had that smug look on her face.

"That doesn't explain the way you look at him," she replied, giving Regina another knowing look.

Regina looked back completely confused.

"I have absolutely no idea what you're possibly talking about."

"You really don't, do you?" Snow replied in wonderment.

She saw a pitying smile spread over Snow's face. She did not like having Snow's pity.

"Just spit it out."

She didn't even bother to hide her annoyance. But Snow didn't seem effected.

"If you don't even realize how you feel about him, then I can't be the one to tell you. You'll figure it out eventually."

She got up to leave, but Regina grabbed her arm lightly.

"Please, tell me how you think I look at him."

The anger was gone from her voice. She needed to know. She didn't know why she was so desperate what Snow thought she saw. Nevertheless she did.

"Longing. When you think no one can see you."

Snow sounded… sad. It unsettled Regina. She was acting like Regina's ignorance was a tragedy.

"That's just not true."

Snow smiled sadly and shrugged her shoulders.

"Whatever you say Regina."

Snow walked away, leaving Regina uneasy. What Snow was implying couldn't possibly be true. She couldn't possibly have those _feelings. _Snow was mistaken, blinded by her relentless obsession with love. Or at least that was what Regina kept telling herself.


	7. Chapter 7

Yay for me forgetting to give any idea at all where the last chapter fit in timewise. It's about halfway through the missing year. This one is the day after the first chapter. Since I have it written, I figured I might as well put this up.

Also, THANK YOU SO MUCH to anyone that's ever reviewed. It makes my day and makes me feel like someone is actually reading what I write. I **really** **really** appreciate it.

Also, to shamelessly self-promote, my tumblr is regaldearie. I promise I'm a very nice person with a moderately interesting blog.

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He showed up to her room as he usually did at that time. She was sitting in front of her mirror and didn't seem to hear his approach. He cleared his throat to get her attention.

"I uh… just wanted to apologize if what I said yesterday made you uncomfortable."

That wasn't what he really wanted to say. He wanted to tell her despite what she thought he had truly fallen for her. He wanted to ask her if there was a chance she had any feelings at all for him. And he was most certainly not sorry for confessing his feelings, because he couldn't bear to keep them to himself any longer.

But he had come to the conclusion that love didn't do anything for Regina. At least not his love. She didn't want it. And couldn't stand losing her. He needed something from her, even if it wasn't quite what he wanted. He would take any scrap she offered.

She stood up and walked until she was standing in front of him

"It never happened," she replied plainly, "Nothing's changed."

As far as she was concerned, she could overlook his mistake and continue their relationship as long as they could pretend he had never said a thing.

Relief spread through his entire body. The tension he didn't notice he'd been holding in his muscles was gone and he felt himself relax.

He went to kiss her, but she put her hands on his chest to stop him.

"Not that. Lips are too…"

_Intimate. _That was the word she wasn't saying, he realized. She didn't want anything resembling affection.

It wasn't her only rule. Over the next few weeks, he noticed that she would never quite meet his eyes. It was fine by him. When he couldn't see the way she looked at him, he could indulge in the fantasy that she felt the same way he did. And she could indulge in her own fantasy that he didn't care for her at all.

Since her rules seemed to bar him from her face, he took advantage of every other inch of skin. Any marks he left were only fair. If he was forced to carry her around every second of the day she should have to carry him with her as well. He was concerned the first time he left a bruise. But over the next few days he noticed her constantly rubbing it with a slight smile. She never wanted his gentle touch. There was something in her that enjoyed having a constant reminder on her skin that it wasn't.

But as the weeks went on, it became difficult for Robin to deny how strong his feelings were. He hated that she pulled away. She wouldn't even say his name, reverting back to calling him a thief. They used to have conversations and make sarcastic comments to each other. Now she barely said two words to him. He missed that connection. He missed the ease they used to have with each other. Now there was only tension.

Weeks before she wouldn't be so fast to kick him out of her bed without a word. He had never stayed excessively long, but now she expected him to be gone in seconds. It felt like a transaction. With the complete lack of connection to one another, he could hardly tell that it was Regina he was with and not some nameless woman. He imagined it was the same for her, and that hurt him. He suspected that she probably preferred that, which only intensified the pain. He wanted her and her alone.

Some days it was torture. He was physically satisfied but emotionally depleted. He was starting to think having nothing was preferable to what he had with Regina now. But he held out the tiniest shred of hope that one day she might return his affections. As they say, hope is the worst of all evils for it prolongs the torment of man. And Robin was indeed tormented by his love.

After two months he reached his breaking point. He was on his way to see Regina, and it hit him that she was never going to love him. And that it was something he was no longer content with. He has no idea what spurred this realization, but it was somewhat of a relief. He returned to his room and braced himself: tomorrow it would end.


	8. Chapter 8

So two things up here that might get kinda long, you really don't have to read it.

1. As to the question of why I jump around. I wish I had a good narrative reason. But really it's just about what comes to me at the moment. I started this story more than halfway through the missing year and the second I had any more ideas it was this chapter (pre-chapter 1) and then the previous chapter (post-chapter 1). And since I get the ideas randomly, being linear would mean that I might think of something I wanted to do for a time I'd already passed and I find that limiting. I also generally never write things in order. I always have the end written first. I'm sorry, I admit it's one of my shortcomings and I acknowledge how confusing and annoying it can be. I know I should have waited until I had everything in order and whatnot, but the longer it sits on my computer the more likely I am to doubt and nitpick and delete. Which feeds into item two.

2. I'm sorry about this one. I have been trying to write this particular one for the past month and gotten nowhere. I've already restarted it twice, and I'm honestly too lazy to try again. I almost decided to completely do away with this, but I feel like it's kind of important plotwise. I don't know what happened. Just bear with this one please. Also I have three more chpaters written and I'm officially out of ideas. I may or may not get more. But suggestions are always welcomed (Two of the three were inspired by comments).

* * *

(Month 7)

After finishing his morning shift on guard duty, Robin had gone to his room looking for his son as he would any other day. He asked Friar Tuck where Roland had gone. He replied that the boy had gone to play in the courtyard, so Robin made his way there.

He was surprised to see that Roland wasn't playing alone. With no regard for her elaborate dress, Regina was sitting on the ground with one of Roland's wooden horses in hand. They were both too engrossed in whatever game Roland had created to hear Robin's approach or glance over and see him.

Without warning, Roland got up and started running, and Regina kicked off her shoes to be better able to keep after the child. He didn't bother holding back a smile at the sight of the formerly evil queen struggling to chase around his four year old (her elaborate dresses were clearly not made for running after children). That this woman indulging in his child's imaginary adventure was feared throughout the Enchanted Forest was mind boggling.

After a few minutes, they sat back on the ground. Roland dropped his toys and scooted onto Regina's lap and began talking animatedly. Regina nodded enthusiastically with the most carefree smile on her face. Robin was quite surprised that Roland, a quiet child, was so talkative with someone who wasn't one of the Merry Men. His son was clearly quite taken with Regina.

And at once the realization hit him that he was quite taken with her as well. He wanted nothing more than to sit down next to the pair, wrap his arms around Regina and just stay there. Roland was the most important thing to Robin by leaps and bounds. Seeing Regina care for him and vice versa clicked everything into place in his mind. He was in love.

It should have been obvious to him by now. There was the flash of desire not to leave her bed some nights because he wanted to wake in the morning and see her face. He had pushed those thoughts aside on the few occasions that they occurred, writing them off as a leftover impulse after years of marriage. It had been a flimsy excuse, but he had been willing to believe it.

He and Regina had also been spending quite a lot of time together. He had gradually started piecing together her life. She opened up with some prodding. Probably because he was the only person ever to ask. And the more he knew the more he wanted to know.

She didn't talk much about her early life, only reminiscing about her first love once. She never touched the subject of her marriage, and Robin could tell there was pain in that time. He hoped one day she might trust him to help her carry that burden.

He had heard rumors of course. There were the whispers first in the royal court and eventually in the commoners' taverns about the intentions of the king's beautiful teenaged bride. Then the speculation as to why she had never provided him with a male heir. Even before she had become the Evil Queen, the kingdom had never been kind to her. He always wondered if she knew of the things he heard when he and his men had passed through the kingdom. But she never gave a hint.

Instead she told him of her years learning magic from the Dark One. He had always disavowed magic. But hearing Regina speak of the power and freedom magic gave her for the first time, Robin thought he might have to reconsider his opinion. It was dark and dangerous, but there was beauty in it. Much like Regina herself.

She told him of this new world without magic, of a world where they were merely stories. She used all sorts of words he couldn't comprehend like internet and cell phone. It sounded like a place he'd never like to find himself, but an interesting one nevertheless.

But mostly she spoke of her son. From their initial days of meeting, it had been obvious to Robin that she was a mother. But it was only through time that he could see her devotion to her son and the toll that devotion had taken on her when she was forced to let him go. She lit up when she spoke of him.

Her life and her complexity captivated him. She was most certainly not the monster he had heard of in lore. He saw the woman behind the mask. Or at least he had seen pieces of her.

She was like a puzzle. One piece was fiery and sexy, with some sort of gravitational pull that he couldn't help but be sucked in by. Another was clever and strong, more than most people gave her credit for. She was filled with wit, an understanding of politics and people and magical knowledge that amazed him.

Still another was filled with darkness and pain. It was where her vengeance, her scars, and her anger lay. It was the piece where the Evil Queen had originated and it wasn't a piece he particularly liked. But it was nonetheless a part of her and he would love it like the rest. And then there was the piece right in front of him, the mother filled with love and possibility. That was the piece that made him realize that their pieces might just fit together.

He knew there were infinitely more pieces of Regina to discover, and he could see a life where he found each and every one. A life where he put them together and mixed in some of his own.

He was broken out of his thoughts when Regina looked up at him and gave him a relaxed, carefree smile. He briefly wondered if she might feel the same way for him. After all she was not a woman who smiled very often, and lately many of those smiles had been for him. It wasn't possible that she didn't feel the depth of their connection, or at least he hoped so.

In retrospect, that was the beginning of the end. The moment he thought that he might tell her how he felt. The moment that he thought she might let him into her heart as easily as she had let him into her bed. It began the last of their days of ease: the few weeks between the realization of his love and the confession to Regina.

But in that moment he had no idea. His son had spotted him and ran towards him. Regina left with a brush of his arm and a whispered _I'll see you tonight._ It was the end of a last perfect moment and he didn't even know it.


	9. Chapter 9

Crossing my fingers on this one. I just wrote it last night (4.5 hours a day of biology starting Tuesday will probably kill productivity) and this was partially written right after I first saw 1x11 and I just changed it to suit Outlaw Queen (although if I've been successful you should have no indication of who the original idea was about and this shouldn't be relevant). Also this and everything else I have written at the moment is in order, so this takes place a couple weeks or so after the last chapter.

* * *

"Gods Regina, there's someone in your mirror."

By chance he'd caught a glimpse of the distraught face in Regina's mirror.

Regina put her hands on his chest to gain the leverage to lean back and get a view of the mirror in question.

"Oh that's just Sidney. Don't mind him," she replied nonchalantly with pursed lips.

Sidney was rendered speechless at the sight of Regina on top of another man. Despite the amount of times Regina had titillated and tortured him with her trysts, it never got less painful.

"You know he's there?" Robin asked indignantly.

"Of course. I can't control when he wants to look in," she answered, unperturbed.

Robin looked at her like she'd grown two heads. He couldn't believe that she was acting like this was normal.

"Has he been watching us every time we've-"

"How should I know?" she cut in, "Unlike you I haven't exactly been focused on the mirror. And they all say I'm vain," she muttered.

She'd honestly assumed the genie probably had been watching by now. Despite everything, Sidney couldn't let go of his obsession. Which was perfectly fine by her. Just knowing that he would probably be compelled to watch her, like a train wreck he couldn't look away from despite the hatred and horror it brought him, had always made her dark heart beat faster. She liked his pain.

"You're acting like you don't care."

When this facet of her emerged it always struck Robin. Normal was most certainly not the word for Regina. She kept him in his toes, sometimes in the worst way.

"Well if he wants to see exactly what he can _never have_," she replied looking at Sidney diabolically, "what does it matter to me?"

Despite being on the path to redemption, the thrill of torturing Sidney was no less strong than at the height of her evil. She didn't take well to being viewed as an object. So she took a particular joy in showing off what he wanted to posses.

Sidney seemed to recover from his shock at her taunt and disappeared. Robin was looking at her with bewilderment.

"He's had enough misery for one day, now can we get back to this?" she asked with a roll of her hips.

His head was tempted to say no, and to be properly disturbed in the joy she took in the man's agony. But she was irresistible and distracting. Besides there would always be time for words later.

...

"How did a man end up in your mirror?"

He was still unsettled by the entire idea. It was one thing to know Regina had been the Evil Queen. And it was another to see someone he assumed must have been a human being stuck in a mirror for eternity.

Regina had just rolled off of him and out of bed, and was untangling her hair whilst looking in the same mirror Sidney had appeared in before.

"You think I trapped him there don't you?"

Her voice contained more amusement than annoyance, much to Robin's relief. The last thing he wanted to do was alienate her.

"The possibility did cross my mind," he admitted sheepishly.

"He trapped himself," she replied, her tone shifting from amusement to revulsion.

"How?"

He was partially interested in the situation, and he was partially finding a reason to stall departing.

"He fell in love with the woman he thought I was," she turned to face him, "Worst mistake he could have made."

For a moment Robin froze. That couldn't be a warning that she knew how he felt, could it? Her darkly playful expression that always accompany recounting her evil deeds reassured him that the threat he felt was unintentional.

"And who exactly did he think you were?"

He supposed the question he really wanted to ask was who she thought she was. He had a strong suspicion that she didn't see herself the way he saw her in the slightest, and her answer confirmed it.

"A trophy, a damsel, a good woman, someone who wasn't broken, someone who deserved love, how should I know?" she answered with a shrug of her shoulders, "But he couldn't bear to part with his fantasy. So he wished he would never have to."

Her tone grew darker and filled with more abhorrence with each word. She didn't know if she should hate the genie or herself more, so she settled on complete loathing for both of them. For most people a statement like hers was a cry for compliments and reassurance. But for Regina it was simple; she owned the darkness always bubbling under the surface of her skin. She half-hoped it would scare him away. The other half hoped that he would never really realize it was there.

He almost said it right them. He almost told her he loved her. But he decided it just wasn't the right moment. He wished he could hold her and tell her that she wasn't bad or broken and that she was loved, even if she didn't know it. He wanted her to see herself the way that he saw her. Except he couldn't.

Instead he started picking up his clothes. He didn't want to leave, but he felt he didn't have a choice. He almost reached out to touch her bare shoulder, to say something to bring her comfort. But he stopped himself right before he made contact with her skin. However noticing his presence right behind her, she spun around.

"What?"

_I love you._

"Have a good night Regina."

"Yeah, you too."

Glancing down at her body, he fought the urge to drag her right back to the bed. But his feelings were on the tip of his tongue and he knew if he remained with her any longer they would fall out. So he left.

…

"Did you enjoy the show Sidney?" she drawled into the mirror he'd once given her.

The genie's face appeared in the mirror, his gaze instantly trailing down her body.

"You know I didn't your majesty. Isn't that the point?" he answered with resignation.

Regina shrugged her shoulders in agreement.

"So will I be seeing him again?"

"You won't, but I most certainly will," she replied with a smirk, placing the mirror in a drawer for the first time. She was starting to think she no longer needed his suffering. Right now she had something better.


	10. Chapter 10

So thanks to Tripp3235 for this idea. And the idea for the next chapter. And probably inspiring one of the random chapters I already have written and don't have a place for yet. I hope your investment in my idea bank yields some kind of return (yes I think I'm clever). If you're wondering how I got from any of your ideas to anything I've written, well... But I hope you like it anyway.

#*aggressively attempts not to write any self-deprecating paragraphs on the top of this chapter*)

Also I obviously have no idea what Marian was suffering from during her pregnancy, so I just kinda used a few Meningitis-like symptoms.

* * *

Regina was startled by the sound of knock to her door. She was even more surprised to let in Robin. She hadn't seen him anywhere for the past few days. He didn't wait for a response before beginning to talk.

"I apologize for disturbing you. Roland has a fever. He's shivering so I was looking for another blanket for him," he stammered out anxiously, clearly wishing that he wasn't away from his son for even a moment.

Regina felt her mothering instincts kick in. Regina had done extensive research the first time Henry had been sick. She'd scoured every book in the library and harassed Dr. Whale at all hours. She knew how to handle a sick child.

"You can't bundle him up. That'll keep the fever from going down."

Robin's mouth widened in surprise.

"Oh… Would you mind checking on him? You clearly know much more than I. It would only take a moment."

"Of course," she replied, a small smile crossing her lips.

No one had ever deferred to her as a mother. And she sympathized all too much with Robin's worry. She definitely had the tendency to overreact to the slightest hint of trouble when Henry was younger. She grabbed an extra blanket just in case.

The pair made their way to the room Robin and Roland were staying in. While they walked, Regina made sure Robin had been keeping Roland properly hydrated and fed.

…

Roland was curled up under a blanket, clutching the monkey that Regina had given him. While Robin sat against the wall, Regina made her way over to Roland's makeshift bed. She crouched down next to him and began asking him questions, which the boy answered between occasional coughs. After a couple of minutes, she brushed the hair out of his face affectionately while gauging his temperature, and sat down next to Robin.

"You don't think there's anything else wrong with him, do you?"

His immense concern was evident to her. It was in his posture, his tone, and his eyes.

"Seems just like a simple flu. It should be gone in a few days."

He breathed a sigh of relief.

"Thank you. Again, my apologies for bothering you."

"I could stay. If you want. You really should get some sleep. You look exhausted."

It was true he looked tired, but Regina also missed caring. She'd been so numb since she watched Henry cross the town line. But right now she felt.

"That's because I haven't slept in two days," he answered with a wry smile, "But I'm fine. You have done more than enough."

"I've barely done anything at all."

"Hardly. The Merry Men try, but they don't have children. I needed someone who knows and whose reassurance I trust," he said, his voice fraught with worry.

"Kids get the flu all the time. There's nothing to be worried about," placing a hand on his shoulder reassuringly.

"Nothing to worry about," he muttered, "That's what I thought when Marian first got sick. Until she couldn't stand the light and was constantly confused and in pain. I didn't even realize she was close to dying... I can't help the dread whenever anything is wrong with Roland."

"I'm sorry," she said genuinely #a rare occurrence for her#, "But Roland is fine."

They lapsed into silence for a few minutes. Regina awkwardly removed her hand from his arm. She wasn't used to doing the comforting. She was used being the cause of pain, and dealing with her own by herself.

"It's not easy doing this alone," Robin murmured mournfully.

"No, it certainly isn't."

They fell back into a comfortable silence, and Regina wondered if this could have been her life: together with someone, watching over a child. She would never prefer any path without Henry, but she couldn't deny there were times she desperately wished there'd been someone to help her the first ten years of Henry's life. Now of course she didn't have Henry at all. Even since Emma came to Storybrooke, Regina had been struggling to find her place in Henry's life. Still, she wondered how life could have been if she had anyone to rely on. She wouldn't change any of it, but it was impossible not to wonder what if.

She and Robin both had their eyes fixed on Roland. Neither of them noticed when the near foot of space between them became merely a few inches. It was just natural for them to shift towards each other.

She tore her eyes away from the child who reminded her so much of Henry when she felt Robin lean on her. She turned to see that he had fallen asleep. Smiling, she reached for the blanket she had brought with her and gently placed it over Robin, careful not to move enough to wake him. She found that her eyes #and her thoughts# kept switching rapidly between the young boy and his father.

…

"Did I fall asleep?" Robin asked groggily, pushing off the blanket and sitting up.

"A few hours ago."

"Apologies, I did not intend to-"

"If I wanted you awake, don't you think I would have woken you? Like _I _would let myself be inconvenienced out of courtesy to you," Regina interrupted incredulously.

"Where would I have gotten such a ridiculous notion?" he retorted rhetorically.

"Go to sleep," she said seriously.

"Are you sure? He's my son. I shouldn't leave you to care for him."

"I wish someone would have cared enough to tell me that I didn't have to do everything myself. Besides you'll be of absolutely no use to Roland tomorrow if you can't keep your eyes open. I can keep an eye on him until one of your _boys_ shows up."

He decided to ignore her obvious contempt for his Merry Men. He was more focused on his gratitude. And his strong desire to steal a few more hours of rest.

"Thank you. Truly."

She held back telling him he was a stubborn pain in the ass who just needed to get to sleep already. Instead she just smiled at him.

"Drag a pillow over here. I'll wake you up if Roland needs you."

In the few minutes of stillness, she felt like she was in the midst of a moment from a road not taken. It was unsettling.

Not even five minutes after Robin closed his eyes, Roland awoke from a nightmare and broke Regina out of her thoughts. She hurried to his side.

"Where's papa?" the shivering boy asked timidly. The room was too dark for him to see his father lying down a few feet away.

"He went to bed. Would it be okay if you told me what happened instead?"

Roland instantly clung to her and started recounting his dream. It felt nice, reminiscent of all the times she'd comforted Henry. Not that she wasn't fond of this particular boy on his own. But it also felt wrong. Like she was inhabiting this potential life that she didn't even want. Still she pushed that out of her head and focused on soothing the boy in front of her. Robin savored the few seconds he saw before he could no longer fight off sleep.

An hour later, Little John appeared in the doorway, ready to watch over Roland. Regina just waved him away. There was something calming about watching Robin and Roland sleep peacefully. It wouldn't hurt to stay until the morning. Just to make sure Roland was okay of course.


	11. Chapter 11

This is the last chapter I have that takes place before chapter 1 (Because damn there are a lot of these now). And in case anyone missed it before, chapter 9 and beyond are all in chronological order.

* * *

Zelena was strutting around and enumerating all the things Regina had that she didn't deserve, while Regina was snapped back at her. Robin wasn't really paying attention to the words, catching a few recurring mentions of Rumpelstiltskin and being abandoned. He was too focused on staying hidden from the sisters' view and making sure to keep his arrow ready to be shot at the witch.

"Oh please I have no patience for your pathetic whining," Regina complained.

That only served to anger Zelena, who conjured up a fire ball and prepared to throw it towards Regina. At the sight of danger, Robin let go of his arrow. It would have been a perfect shot. Both sisters turned their heads at the sound of the arrow leaving the bow, and Regina's eye grew wide at the sight of Robin.

Zelena put up her hand and the arrow fell to the ground. With a flick of her wrist, Robin was thrown against the wall and he slumped to the ground.

"You got a guard dog sis, how precious," Zelena said as though they really were talking about a small dog instead of a man.

"Well I didn't think you should be the only one with a pet. Although at least mine is here willingly," Regina retorted sarcastically.

Zelena snarled and hissed, and Regina lips curled into a sinister smile.

"This isn't over. I'll get you Regina and that baby too," she screamed, disappearing into a cloud of green smoke.

Once she was sure Zelena was gone Regina rushed over to Robin, who was laying on the ground with blood flowing from a wound on his head.

"What the hell is wrong with you? Did you really think your arrows were going to stop her?"

Regina was shouting loud enough to carry through the castle. She was looking at him as murderously as she'd looked at her sister.

"I told you I was not letting you face her alone," he replied with conviction and a slight wince.

When Regina had been notified of Zelena's presence in the castle by the Merry Men, she had expressly told everyone to stay back. But Robin wasn't about to let Regina go up against the Wicked Witch completely alone.

So he had followed her and waited in case she needed help. While he ultimately hadn't harmed Zelena, he still wasn't going to apologize for distracting Zelena from trying to harm Regina. He knew he was no match for the witch's magic. But he was a man in love, willing to do whatever he could to make sure Regina wasn't hurt.

"And I told you that this is my fight and I can handle myself," she shot back, scanning him to see if he had any other injuries.

He moved to get up, but Regina put a hand on his chest to stop him and dropped to the floor.

"Stay down and let me take care of this."

There was still intense anger in her voice, but there was also just a hint of tenderness. She raised her hand to his wound, but he grabbed her hand to stop her.

"No. No magic."

She let out a huff of annoyance and rolled her eyes, but nevertheless didn't heal him. A purple puff of smoke appeared around her hand and when it cleared she was holding a cloth. She pressed it to his forehead where the blood was flowing from.

"Your sheer stupidity is astounding. You could have been killed Robin."

She sounded exasperated and irritated, and her second sentence was tinged with worry. She resisted the temptation to tell him that it served him right, being injured, after completely disregarding her directive. That in fact he deserved more than a little blood for being so thoughtless.

"I'm fine. I didn't realize you would care."

"I don't. Not about you," she bristled before turning sincere, "But I do care about your son. He shouldn't lose his father because of me."

She gave him a soft smile. All the anger had vanished from her voice. Smiling and tending to his wound, it was hard to tell that this was the same woman who had been up against the Wicked Witch minutes ago. He smiled back and for a few seconds time seemed to stop. But Regina broke the moment, turning her gaze to the top of his head to make sure he hadn't bled through the cloth.

"Besides, someone needs to control your men and keep me busy at night," she quipped with a smirk.

It was as close as Regina could get to saying that she didn't want to lose him.

They remained in near silence while she pressed on the wound, muttering the occasional _idiot_ and _what were you thinking _under her breath. However her eyes held only terror. When she and Zelena had realized his presence, she froze. She hid it well, but knowing he was there and that there was nothing she could do to protect him made her heart sink.

She didn't want, or rather couldn't bring herself, to think about why that was. So she waited until the bleeding stopped, gently wiped away the blood remaining on his face, and tried to focus on anger. That was something she knew how to deal with.

"What were you thinking Robin?"

"I was thinking that you can't do everything alone," he answered, his words loaded with more meaning than the discussion of a simple battle.

"Yes I can. Next time pick someone worth dying for," she replied as they both stood up.

He thought of arguing, but knew it would probably get him nowhere.

"Well thank you Regina."

She nodded curtly in response.

He knew the witch could have easily killed him. And he was thankful that for whatever reason she had spared him. But as he watched Regina walking away, he couldn't help but consider what could have been left unsaid. Could he bear going to his grave never telling Regina what he felt for her, and more importantly never knowing if she might feel something for him in return?

He didn't even have to think about the answer.


	12. Chapter 12

This one takes place the month after chapter 5. Ugh this has been sitting on my computer for like a month and I realized that there was no reason I shouldn't post it. So enjoy.

Oh and the quote is Marilyn Monroe's.

* * *

She had been alone in her chambers when she heard someone enter. Turning around, she was surprised to see Robin. They had spent the past month steadfastly avoiding each other. It had caused some slight awkwardness, but it hadn't been too difficult in such a large castle. It had certainly been better than the alternative of seeing him and throwing fireballs. Before she could ask him why he was there, he strode over to her and kissed her harshly.

His lips barely left hers for several minutes. His tongue darted in and out of her mouth, his teeth occasionally bit her bottom lip then sucked on it, doing the things she had denied him after his declaration of love. She had always been in control. She made the rules and he followed them to the letter. But not tonight. He was unequivocally the one with an advantage. He was setting the terms. So when he pulled away, she made no moves.

"What is this?" she asked in a breathless daze.

"One last time. Closure," he replied slowly, clearly as affected as she was by the kiss, while he searched her eyes.

Hanging in the air was the implicit caveat: _if you want to. _That was the part that got to Regina. Even at their worst moment, it was still her choice. Yet she had spent an entire marriage without one on the best of days. That had made it easy to hate her husband, and hard to hate Robin. She felt a familiar fluttering in her chest, but did her best to ignore it.

Once she nodded, her pulled her back into another punishing kiss. She wasn't quite sure when she'd fallen back on the bed or when they had divested each other of their clothing. It was a blur, and she was attempting to savor every moment. She hadn't realized exactly how much she'd missed him for the past weeks. She certainly had noticed on a superficial level when she was alone and itching for a touch coarser than her own. But now, as she breathed in the familiar scent of forest, she realized that she just missed _him_. She wished he would slow down so she could capture every detail in her mind. But as though he could read her thoughts, he defied that wish and his movements became faster and more frantic.

Their gazes were locked, another indulgence she had forbidden. It was almost painful to keep the eye contact, trying to keep her eyes from revealing anything, and seeing no emotion in his. It was a relief when his lips moved to her neck. When she felt him bite, she choked out a strangled _more_. Her nails were leaving deep scratches on his back, and she smirked at the thought that they wouldn't let him be rid of her for quite a while. Everything was intensified knowing that this was supposed to be their end. They were pure, unbridled passion. After months he knew exactly how to spur a quick release, clearly uninterested in prolonging the encounter.

It was over all too soon. She was gasping his name (which she hadn't said for months) as she fell over the edge, and she took him with her.

They laid side by side for a moment, looking anywhere but at each other. Just as Regina had gathered her nerve, Robin rolled out of the bed and began gathering his clothes. She opened her mouth to say something, anything, but no sound came out. She wanted to apologize, to ask him not to leave, but she physically could not. A patch of skin underneath her collarbone began to throb. It occurred to her that this would be the only evidence she would have that there had ever been something between them. In time marks would fade, and so would her chance. This felt final, and Regina pushed herself to speak. But some combination of pride and fear was rendering her unable.

He was fully dressed now and she knew this was her last opportunity

"Robin wait."

It was quite, almost timid, but he heard. Her eyes said everything she wouldn't, but he never looked in them.

"Yes?"

"It's uh still early. Don't let anyone see you leave."

Once again she ran, just like she had all those years ago, emtionally instead of physically this time. She was too terrified that she had lost his love to even try for a second chance.

"Don't worry your majesty, I would never want you to have to bear the shame of an association with me. I'll remain your dirty little secret."

He didn't even sound hurt or surprised. In fact he didn't sound like much of anything. His tone was flat, and his eye-roll was the only indication that he had any opinion on the matter at all.

Watching him walk away, she realized this was the first time he had left and she had wanted him to stay. When she had been in Storybrooke, she had heard a quotation that summarized her most basic rules: "A wise girl kisses but doesn't love, listens but doesn't believe, and leaves before she is left." With Robin she had broken all three. And with them, she may have broken her own heart as well.


	13. Chapter 13

This takes place about month eleven of the missing year, and right after last chapter. Two more chapters to go after this. Hope you enjoy.

* * *

"Regina?"

Regina had been staring out into the distance on her balcony, remembering Tinker Bell's rescue all those years ago when she heard Snow's voice. She really had no desire to listen to Snow prattle on, but she supposed she might as well not alienate the only person who wanted to see her. She reluctantly returned inside.

"What do you want Snow?" she asked with exasperation.

She could tell right away that this wasn't just Snow coming to make some small talk. She didn't have her normally sunny disposition, and she certainly didn't look like she would let Regina deter her. Snow's eyes travelled to the pile of glass that had accumulated next to Regina's wall then to the dresser where three bottles of perfume were now suspiciously missing. Understanding dawned on her, and it seemed to strengthen her resolve.

"Something's wrong Regina, don't deny it. Something's been wrong for weeks and I've let you avoid it. But not today."

Snow's arms were crossed, and she had the same look of determination that had cost Regina her revenge countless times. Even at nearly nine months pregnant she looked like a force to be reckoned with. Regina weighed her options. She'd much rather not talk to Snow right now, but she could tell Snow wouldn't be backing down. She sat down and surrendered herself to this sickening heart to heart.

"Why the sudden urgency if this _something _you speak of has been dragging on for so long?"

She hoped her tone was conveying how ludicrous she thought Snow's concern was. But she thought it may have just sounded like blind denial.

But Snow knew her too well.

"You know why. You've barely left this room all week. You haven't been sleeping or eating enough. You've been miserable for weeks. Did you honestly think I wouldn't notice? I'm pregnant, I'm not blind."

That drew a slight smile out of Regina. She never thought Snow would be the one to notice her absence.

"Please Regina," Snow begged, "I want to help. You don't always have to be alone. Just talk to me."

She blinked back a tear. She would never tell a soul, but Snow's unwavering care meant a lot to her.

"He told me he loved me, so I made him hate me."

It came out as a whisper, her lips barely parting to speak. It was hard enough to say the first time, so she was glad when Snow put her arm around her and didn't ask her to repeat it or to whom she was referring.

It was more than a little awkward. She knew Snow didn't understand. Snow had always loved and been loved. Snow couldn't understand how someone would reject love. And being comforted by the woman she had spent decades trying to kill only added to it. Nevertheless, it felt nice to have her there.

"Why Regina?" she asked with complete bewilderment.

Regina took a few moments to respond. She needed to figure out that answer for herself.

"After Daniel died, I didn't even know what love was anymore. Everyone after that just used me."

She felt Snow shudder. At times she almost forgot that she had been Snow's stepmother. Regina had no idea what Snow believed about the state of her and Leopold's marriage, but she had vowed she would never disabuse Snow of her notions. If she wanted to blame Regina for that misery, so be it. Her father certainly had.

To Snow's credit, she said nothing. Despite a long pause, Regina continued as though she had never stopped.

"So when he said… _that_ to me, I didn't even know how to believe it. I don't know how he could... He deserves much better. And I did what I always do. By the time I realized that I… well it was too late."

She had been looking straight ahead, uttering the words robotically. Only when she had finished did she look at Snow, whose eyes were filled with compassion.

"It's never too late Regina. There's always a second chance."

Snow was completely genuine, but Regina couldn't help but chuckle. Wasn't that shaping up to be the theme of her year?

"I had a second chance. And I fucked that up too," she replied with a sardonic smile.

"That's why you've been so miserable all week."

"Well don't you deserve a medal for that brilliant insight? He hates me and you think that might have put a damper on my mood. If only I possessed your remarkable powers of deduction," she spat back with a roll of her eyes.

Snow was undaunted. She was used to Regina pushing her away. Her relentless optimism came in handy during those times.

"He doesn't hate you. You can't give up on someone you love that easily."

Regina didn't believe that for a moment. People constantly gave up on her.

"You didn't see the way he looked at me."

She was blocking the memory and the emotions for fear she might let loose the tears she had been holding back all week.

"You hurt him Regina. That doesn't mean he stopped loving you, it just means that he's hurt. You just need to let go of your fear and tell him how you feel."

"And how exactly do I _feel_?" she sneered.

She attempted to inject every ounce of contempt that she could muster, but it was half-hearted. The words came out as a combination of weak snark and a childish whine.

"You know we wouldn't be having this conversation if you weren't in love with him."

Regina didn't respond, just glared. So Snow got up. After two attempts to help, she felt that Regina needed to work this out on her own.

"Well you know where to find me if you need me," she said, giving Regina's hand a last squeeze before walking out. Regina never did take her up on that offer.

She took a deep breath. She could do this. She could admit out loud, at least to herself, why she was so upset. Since she had no more bottles to throw at her wall after all. She tried to say it. But all she could do was groan a string of curses.

After a few moments of frustration, she closed her eyes. She let her mind finally wander to him. She had been avoiding doing that for weeks. Even during her conversation with Snow she hadn't allowed herself to really think of him. Now she let go. It instantly put a painful smile on her face.

First she allowed herself to think of his touch. That was safe, it was easy, and it sent a shiver down her spine. But before she could get lost in that train of thought, she forced herself to think of more. She thought of the way he had never been intimidated by her, always matching her barb for barb. Always taking one step towards her when she took one away from him. Then of the understanding between them of their losses of loved ones and their unconditional love for their children. Her mind wandered to the way he made her smile, and how she felt like just Regina, unburdened by her myriad of mistakes, in those moments. That feeling is what did it. Her eyes snapped open.

"I love him."

It was impossibly quiet. If the wind had blown or a bird had chirped she wouldn't have even be able to hear her own words. But she'd done it. She'd admitted her feelings. Now all she had to do was figure out a way to get rid of them.


	14. Chapter 14

So here it is: the second to last chapter. So I guess I just want to say thank you to anyone who's stuck with me this long. The fact that there's at least one person who likes what I've done with these amazing characters enough to review, follow, favorite, or just read all (eventual) 15 chapters makess me smile like an idiot for prolonged periods of time. So thank you you, and I really hope you like this chapter and the ending that I'll get around to finishing soon.

Sorry, anyway this chapter takes place right after the last chapter and a few weeks before 3x19.

* * *

_Oh shit._

Regina quickly turned back towards the turn she had just taken when she spotted Robin at the end of the hallway. He was facing away from her, and she thought she might be able to avoid this encounter. But just as she was about to round the corner that would leave her safe, she heard a cry of her name. She was sorely tempted to pretend she hadn't heard the child, but she couldn't. She grimaced as she heard the sound of Roland's tiny footsteps and turned around.

She sunk down to the boy's level and did her best to ignore the fact that his father had followed right behind. She couldn't help but smile. Roland had that effect on her.

"Hey sweetie," she said lovingly, brushing the hair out of his face.

Robin watched Roland chatter about the game he had been engrossed in before Regina's arrival.

His hands were balled into fists at the sight of Regina with his son, fingernails leaving deep crescents on his palm. He hated seeing her with his boy, seeing the best parts of her and trying not to want them. It was hard to be angry at her when his child clearly cared so much for her. He knew he would soon draw blood if he had to continue distracting himself for much longer.

When he refocused on the conversation, he heard Roland attempting to convince Regina to stay and Regina doing her best to refuse.

"What if I need help defeating the dragon?" the boy asked innocently with wide eyes.

"I'm sure your father can give you all the help you need."

"Please," he pleaded, and Regina was powerless to refuse. She was putty in the boy's tiny hands.

Roland's face lit up and he ran back to the toys he had dropped on the floor earlier. Robin and Regina stood a safe distance away. Roland frequently looked up to make sure they were both still there.

She would have been perfectly content with awkward silence, but Robin seemed to have other ideas.

"Such a change to see you dressed so demurely your majesty," Robin mocked in a hushed tone.

He knew damn well what had caused her recent proclivity for high necklines and she was in no mood for him to pretend otherwise. It occurred to her that he must have purposely targeted skin she normally kept visible. _Bastard. _As though she needed _mine _written on her body as it was on her heart. She had been tempted not to bother covering up, proving to Robin that she didn't care. But she was a queen, and queens did not walk around showing off hickeys like a teenager in one of the idiotic movies she had watched under the curse.

She faked a saccharine smile.

"I suppose if a thief fails to steal something, it's no surprise he tries to leave a claim on it anyway," she answered in a tone that was both sickly sweet and darkly menacing.

"Well it's quite impossible to steal something offered up to you on a silver platter," he replied bitterly, but with a hint of smugness.

She sneaked a look at Roland to make sure he was preoccupied before she answered. If he wanted a fight, she would give him one.

"I was referring something a bit more out of your reach. A word of advice, the higher you climb, the farther you have to fall. Maybe you should keep your feet on the ground next time."

She thought that if she channeled every shred of anger in her than maybe she could drown out the voice in her head that was begging her to pull him close instead of push him away. She was hoping to wound (or at least gauge his feeling for her), and was disappointed that if her retort had any emotional impact he wasn't showing it. His tone was a mirror of her blase one, with slight hints of venom.

"Maybe you should do the same. You can't steal what can only be given. I never wanted to take anything from you. I-" he began to protest.

"You remember that favor you owe me?" she interrupted.

…

(8 months earlier)

"As payment, for helping me break into the castle," she said, holding the arrows out to him.

"Gold tipped arrows? Marvelous," he said, examining them appreciatively, "Thank you."

She gave him a feeble smile. She figured gold arrows would suit him. She supposed she could have given him gold on its own, but she wanted something a bit more personal and permanent. In spite of herself, she was starting to quite like the thief and was pleased that he seemed to genuinely like what she had given to him.

"Well good day," she replied and turned to leave.

"Is this payment for breaking in or payment for my silence?" he called after her.

She turned to him unfazed.

"Well idle talk would be an insult to my generosity. Especially for a _thief of honor_ like yourself."

She made sure to inject the words with as much skepticism as she she could.

"My silence is not for sale. Especially when your life is at stake."

"Whom have you told?"

Worry tinged her voice. She wasn't sure what she hated more: the idea of Robin and his men mocking her moment of weakness or the idea of them rejoicing at the idea of the Evil Queen under a sleeping curse for eternity. And she didn't want to think about the kind of observation Snow would put her under if she found out.

"No one. As much as I dislike the reason in question, I have good reason to believe you're no danger to yourself. As long as that's the case you can count on my discretion. If ever it is not, do not think for a second I'll keep quiet," he replied with conviction.

She let out a sigh of relief, but couldn't help but be confused.

"Why does what happens to me even matter to you?"

"What kind of person could watch another suffering and not care?" he countered.

She couldn't supress her laugh. Had he forgotten to whom he was speaking?

"I could. In fact I've caused my fair share of suffering. Rather enjoyed it. Are you sure you really have a stake in my life?"

She invaded his personal space as she spoke, her entire demeanor a challenge to his concern. She felt back in her element. Asking others for help was not something she was used to. But this, the mask of Evil Queen, was easy to slip back into.

"Absolutely. If you're trying to scare me into turning a blind eye, it isn't working. You wouldn't have saved my son if that was still who you are. You deserve a second chance."

She could find no trace of deception or mocking. A thief with honor indeed. She held back a smile, and took a step back. The outlaw was rapidly earning her respect. Begrudgingly of course.

"You know if I'm already keeping this to myself, you might as well talk to me about it."

"Why would I talk to _you_ about this? Why should I trust a thief who spent years stealing from me?"

She made it about him because she didn't want to ask the question of why he wanted to listen to _her_.

"There's someone else you'd rather talk to?" he asked incredulously with a raise of his eyebrow.

She knew he was right. _Dammit._

"Who says I want to talk to anyone at all?"

Her stubbornness was a difficult knot to untie, he would give her that. But then an idea came to him, something that might make her feel at least like her pride was not scathed by confiding in him.

"I came with you to the castle because you saved my son. By accepting these arrows, I've put myself in your debt again. I wouldn't want that hanging over my head. I would greatly appreciate if you'd allow me to fill it now," he stated with a charming smile.

Regina bit her cheek to stifle a smile. He was a persistent one. If she had prevented him from climbing her walls, he just tried to burrow under them instead. She could have easily refused and left, but no one else was exactly clamoring to be around her. Someone not believing she deserved any misfortune that came her way was new. She thought that she could definately get used to the feeling.

"Very well. But a favor would still leave you in my debt," she replied with a raised eyebrow.

"What would you have me do your majesty?"

The drop in the pitch of his voice and the way he leaned just slightly into her made her think he might be flirting with her, and she unconsciously licked her lips.

"I think I'll save it. Might be of use one day."

She mentally cursed herself for staring - mesmerized - at his lips as she said it. Luckily for her, his eyes were temporarily preoccupied with the way her dress hugged her curves. She couldn't say she was bothered by his wandering eyes.

He cleared his throat, refocusing himself on the task at hand.

"So let's talk."

…

"Of course."

He voice left no doubt that he was remembering the occurrence.

"Whatever you were going to say, don't. Ever. What you wanted or didn't want," _hurts too much to hear, _"is not something I care to hear."

"Apologies. I shouldn't have even wasted my breath. How would I begin to explain matters of the heart to a woman so heartless?"

It felt like a slap in the face, and she didn't even bother to hide it. She would have preferred the blow. At least then she would know he cared enough to be angry (not to mention it wouldn't remind her of Cora). While his words were bitter, his tone (and barely held back smirk at her expression) was more befitting of a man suffering from wounded pride than a broken heart. She knew it was selfish to hope he was hurting. But she didn't think she had any chance if he wasn't as broken as she was right now.

There was a part of her that was tempted to tell him he didn't know her as well as he thought. That if she was without a heart it was because the damn thing was bleeding in his hands.

But she ignored that part. _Anger, anger, anger,_ she repeated in her head.

"Hate me all you want. It doesn't change anything."

"I assure you _I_ am not the one who hates you."

She closed her eyes and took in a deep breath, resisting the temptation of using her magic on him. If not for the little boy who kept smiling at her as he played, she would have walked away right then. Instead she glared at Robin.

They stood next to each other, arms crossed and eyes straight forward for a few minutes more, until Roland decided he was bored and mercifully let Regina go on her way. She told herself that she was making the right decision. That she'd missed her chance and that this love was indeed weakness. And she swore would never again let him see her weakness.


End file.
